Enjoy & Be Blessed!

What should a woman do if her man has no desire to socialize with her “social circle” (that includes women and men) and she plans to be with the man for a long term relationship? – “Social Butterfly”

You can’t make someone do what they don’t want to do. If you feel like you gave them a sufficient amount of time to come around then you have a decision to make. You aren’t going to get everything out of a person that you are looking for. So you have to ask is this something that I am willing to let slide; how big of a concern is this in our relationship; is this a make it or break it? If you can’t get passed the fact that he doesn’t want to be around your friends & loved ones, then you have to let go because it will only cause more problems down the road if you decide to stay with him.

Sincerely,

Dr. Love

How can a strong, independent, professionally successful Christian woman let a man she is dating know that she is interested in him and definitely attracted to him, while maintaining a firm dedication to her faith and keeping true to her identity, power, and success? –“Religious Diva”

When it comes to keeping your morals and values in tact- invite him to church, and see if this person is willing to come to church with you, before getting too romantically involved. As far as power & success- you are maintaining your power by putting your values out there by inviting them to church- showing your expectations. Let’s be frank, life is all about chances. I don’t know if you have been hurt before but in order to achieve in life you have to take chances. So, in order to achieve a successful relationship you have to do the same- take a chance *Old lady on the train from Coming to America voice*. I’m not saying let go of your personal power & shade your success or water down your expectations of what you want out of the relationship, but you still have to take a chance on dating, love & relationships. Allow someone get to know you without completely having your guard up. Be more personable, smile; don’t hide behind your success & power.

Sincerely,

Dr. Love

Dr. love,
My husband and I married very young, while I’ve always supported his dreams and goals I feel he isn’t supporting me now that its time for me to fulfill mine. How do I communicate this to him? –“Wife on The Backburner”

I believe love is all about compromise, so you guys should be able to do just that; and marriage is all about give & take. Have a real discussion- without it coming off as nagging- and if he loves you unconditionally I believe that he would take it into serious consideration what you are going through and how you feel.

Sincerely,

Dr. Love

The following question was asked in general- so readers comment with your answer!

Would you date an ugly person in a position of power or a cute person that isn’t in that same position, and why? –“Superficial Lover”

I personally would never look to be with someone because they have money regardless of their looks. I want to find someone that I am equally yoked with, attracted to, and moving in the same direction with.

Sincerely,

Dr. Love

Dr. Love has a column on GS, in which previously was designed  for women to ask relationship questions directed towards a Christian young man anonymously in order to gain useful & inspirational insight. While the column will still be looked at as the same tool, we want you to know that Dr. Love isn’t the just the “doctor” for strictly love woes. Over the time that the column began our column specialist has offered insight on many issues of life, rather it be relationships or friendships; rather it was asked from a woman or man, he has done so in a very loving way. Therefore, let’s look at this Advice Column as more than a relationship question column, but as a place where you can receive insight from a male’s perspective in the most loving & respectful way possible.

GS is a safe environment for young adults (men and women) to come and receive inspiration and share testimonies with one another; so let’s engage!

What do you want to hear from Dr. Love?! He is amped up & ready to share his insight with the GS community!

drlove@gossipsister.com

Below are selections from his November’s column of “Dear Mr. Relationship Beast Q & A.” More can be found by clicking here

Austin, TX - Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I saw a guy at the grocery store. I thought he was kind of cute so I smiled and went on my way to show him that I was as you say “Interested & Available” I get to my car and as I am backing out, he flags me down and we start talking….I kid you not, within 1 minute I knew his WHOLE life story…He is divorced with a child and has moved several times. I listened and we exchanged numbers….I left the conversation thinking “WTH”? I want someone to be honest and transparent but not within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. I think he may have called but he didn’t leave a message, so I dismissed him….I guess what I am asking is how many frogs are in the pond?  I don’t want to continue to brush guys off, but the red flags are flying like China!

Don’t brush him off just yet. Remember, I want you to DATE MORE! (Not talking about sex.) Sounds like an honest guy to me. If he tracked you down in the parking lot you must have been attractive to him. Don’t call that number back, let him call you. No message, no call back. Teaching them how to treat you starts day one. When he calls back, depending on where the conversation goes, you may want to take a shot at asking him in a playful tone “Heeeey man, why did you find it necessary to share so much of your personal info upfront? Do you do that with every random chick you meet coming out of a grocery store?” This will catch him off guard. Don’t dwell on it. Ask your question and get in and get out.

Atlanta, GA – Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I’m a single mom w/ two boys 12 and 9, is that intimidating for a man? I would also like to know how can I relax a little more when I’m on a date or just out my children have even told me that I look serious or I come off mean at first sight.

It’s not intimidating but it is additional responsibility. You kids are who you are. You can’t change that. Don’t ever try to and don’t spend your time worrying about it. All you have to do is show a man that you can provide for your kids without his help and that your kids are well mannered and respectful. That’s the best that you can do and that’s all that you should be willing to do. Kids are blessings, not baggage.

Men don’t approach women who look unhappy. Why would we? It sounds to me like for whatever reason, you are not comfortable in your own skin. Happiness is a state of being. It is a decision. You have to be happy with who you are and where you are. I would advise you not to date until you figure that out.

Newark, NJ - Dear Mr. RelationshipBeast I have read your book “Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” I offered it to my husband, who definitely needs to read it, but he hasn’t yet. I need your input. I was married just recently. We have not been getting along. He refuses to put me first. He recently told me that when we got married, he was not in love with me and also that he only married me because he didn’t want to lose me. I feel this is the reason for his disrespect towards the marriage. I have had to deal with other females, not being first on his list, half-ass financial help. He is just not doing his part. I want a divorce, he says that I am a quitter, what is your take on this. We have no children together, I am buying my home, he now resides with his sister but my stepson, his son still lives with me. Any suggestions, he also claims that he doesn’t know how to be a husband and the things he does are not intentional, but I found that hard to believe. Sorry to bug you but I am at my wits end. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I didn’t know how to be a husband when I got married either, but I figured it out the second time around. I want you guys to figure it out the first time around. Do you think that he would be willing to speak with me? Any wife that thinks that her husband would benefit from speaking with me email me the story, name and number: StevenJamesDixon@RelationshipBeast.com.

I don’t believe in divorce. Those first two years are extremely hard as you figure out how to get on the same page. Give it some more time. Don’t nag. Don’t complain. Make points, don’t try to have hours and hours of debates or arguments. You go be the best wife that you can be. You can’t tell a man what you deserve but you can show him what you deserve. SHOW YOUR WOMAN. Be the best wife in the world starting now and just chill, take a deep breath and hold it down for six more months and hit me back and tell me where you are.

Read more: http://blogs.essence.com/relationship_report/2010/11/dear-mr-relationshipbeast-q-a-session-40.php#ixzz14TCRvdkr

Dr. Love

I am starting to suspect that the dude I’ve been dating is married. I don’t know exactly but his actions are strange. For instance, we never go to his house, he doesn’t have a facebook or myspace page, he has conflicting stories about his childhood, I have never met anyone in his family, and he always keeps his phone on silent when we are together. His answer to all this? He doesn’t like social sites and his family lives in another state. Something just isn’t right, how should I handle this? ~ Worried

If you are looking for something serious I don’t think he is the one, but if you are looking for someone just to hang out with then this situation may be ok.

Dr. Love

My cousin confided in me, telling me that her mothers boyfriend had been touching her inappropriately. I swore I wouldn’t tell and I don’t want her t be mad at me but I feel I should say something. What do you think? ~Confused

You have to do what’s in your heart. If you decide to tell him be prepared that her mother may not believe her or you because she love her man. I feel that this is something that needs to be addressed. Try giving her mom a similar scenario and ask her what we she do if her daughter came to her with this kind of news and see she what she says. Then tell her what’s going on.

Gossiper

I have been following your Single & The City blog for a while. I love how confident you are, what advice do you have for other singles like me in building self confidence? ~Ready and Willing

Ready & Willing, thanks for the compliment, it means a lot especially since I know building confidence and keeping it is an ongoing process. So just know that first of all- You WILL have days that you feel great about yourself and you WILL have days that you are down on yourself; the key is to not let those not-so-great days keep you down. You gotta bounce back quick, no matter if it’s self-inflicted or someone else who broke your confidence. I have lots of empowering quotes, Bible verses, and passages posted in my room (a place I spend the most time). Constantly feed yourself positively and empower yourself because what you take in is what you’ll radiate out. In the meantime, fake it til you make. Even if you are having a bad day, smile as though you are having a day fit for a Queen; one of my tricks!

Dr. Love

This guy I work with asked me out. I think he is a great guy and love his personality however I am his supervisor. Should I go on a date with him? 

NO! Never mix business with pleasure.

Dr. Love

I’m engaged to get married next fall. My highschool sweetheart (first love) called last month talking about his feelings for me now I am confused. Do I move forward with the one I love or the go back to the one I loved? ~ Torn

You may not need to be engaged because it doesn’t sound like you are ready for that kind commitment. If you still have questions and doubts then you need to wait until you are ready.

Dr. Love

My girlfriend and baby mama had a fight at my little girls birthday party. My girlfriend is mad I didn’t jump in and my baby mama is mad I brought her to the party. How do I please both? ~Baby mama drama 

You can’t you just have to please your child and your woman. You have to sit each one of them down and have that talk. Then try to bring them together and work things out.

Dr. Love

My husband and I met and married within a short amount of time. We have been married for a little over a year and now are working through issues and questions we should have answered in the beginning. Since he doesn’t want to go to counseling, how do you suggest we get through this?

If he wants this marriage to work then he has to sacrifice his feelings and go to counseling sessions. Ask him what’s it going to hurt for the both us to attend a session and then go from there.

Dr Love,

My boyfriend/baby’s daddy have been living together for roughly 3 years. Everytime I bring up marriage he gets upset but yet he tells our friends that I am the one. Should I continue to wait? Impatient

Yes be patient. If he is showing you signs of commitment and everything is going well your time will come. Men take more time than women do when it comes to marriage. 

Dr. Love,

I have been dating a girl for the past 3 months. I really like her but because of her sketchy past she has decided to become celibate until she gets married. I am trying to be understanding but all my friends thinks its strange that she decided to become celibate after meeting me when she has been around the block more than a few times. How can I tell if she is sincere or just playing me? Fool In Love

Only time will tell. If you really like her then she may be worth waiting for.

Dr. Love,

My boyfriend is getting ready to go off to college out of state and I am going to the 12^th grade. He agreed to break up because of the distance but he asked me not to date anyone. Is it fair for me to wait on him while he goes off? First Love

No! Don’t let him hold you back from dating. He broke up with you because he wants to be single while in college, but at least he did not lead you on. “So you better counsel that man like Nino” Yea I’m Single in the words of Lil Wayne!!!!!!

Dr. Love

How do I get my husband to be more assertive to his ex wife. She calls all through the night, drop the son off whenever it is convenient for her, and ALWAYS ask for money. He acts like a puppy whenever she comes around. How do I get him to handle her before I do? Fed Up

That’s tough. The both of you will have to sit down and determine what will work best for your relationship. Ask him how would he feel if you had a man calling you in the middle of the night? I don’t think he would like that very much. So ask him to respect your feelings, but at the same time you have to be fair when thinking about his.

Dr. Love

Last year I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. To get him back I slept with his best friend two months ago. Ever since then he won’t talk to me or even look at me. How can he be mad when he did it first? Confused

What do you mean how can he be mad? You slept with his best friend, not some random dude. First of all 2 wrongs never make a right!!!!! Second you are women, so have some respect for yourself don’t sleep with your mates friend or anyone else just get even! I don’t blame him for not speaking to you that’s low! What if the shoe was on the other foot? Never give yourself to anyone who is not worthy of you. Get it together before you ruin your reputation and don’t forget that AIDS and other STDs are out there. Please believe they are real and it can happen to you.

Dr. Love

My Fiancé of 4 years has a 2 year old daughter (I am sure you can figure it out). Well every since the baby came our marriage plans has been put on hold. Last month he said he think we should become common law married until the baby turns 18 because he doesn’t want me to get caught up in the child support stuff. Is it best I just move on? Hurt

Well that is something you have to decide, I can’t make that decision for you. It depends on if you can deal with living with this child and loving this child as if it was your very own. If you can’t do this then you need to move on because this child may someday live with the both of you and it wouldn’t be fair to punish the child for something your fiancé did. If you don’t trust your fiancé (check his phone, wonder what he doing, etc) then you need to take some time and determine is he what you really want along with the child or do you deserve better. If you can handle all of this then it may be best to wait, so that you won’t be tied to child support.

Dr. Love

I asked my boyfriend of a year if I could have his email password. He said no because I should trust him enough not to want to go through it and I said if he has nothing to hide then why can’t I have it. How do you see it? Curious

I see it both ways. If you trust him then you don’t need it unless you really have a valid reason. However he could be hiding something, but maybe not. I say let it be because whatever’s done in the dark will come to the light.

Dr. Love

My wife has a son by a soldier who was killed in Iraq. Everything I do (or don’t do) is compared to her deceased husband, who in her eyes was perfect. How can I get out of his shadow? Frustrated

Counseling ASAP! She seems to be still in love with ex-husband and misses him. So to heal her wound she takes it out on you, which can destroy a relationship.

I’m in a three-year relationship with the father of my 1-year-old child. He’s the head of the household and is good to both me and our child, only problem is her doesn’t seem interested in marriage. How long do I wait for a ring, or am I wasting my time?

-Patiently Waiting

Dr. Love: My motto is if it’s not broke don’t fix it… Not yet anyway! Give him at least another year to get it together I thinks it’s worth it.

I’m in a long-distance relationship that is going well, but our issue that we seemed to have swept under the rug is “when will we ever be together?” Neither one of us is ready to move to each others state of residence. Is it even meant to be?

-Time & Distance

Dr. Love: Well only time will tell if it’s meant be, but something has to give. Relationships are about sacrifice, so someone has to bend. Give it sometime and have faith and pray about it.

I just started a new job and there’s a lot of attractive men who work there. Is dating in the workplace still considered a “don’t?”

-Workplace Dater

Dr. Love: YES!!!!!!!! Never mix business and pleasure.

I’m in a relationship but I catch myself flirting quite often, is that wrong?

-Flirty Girl

Dr. Love: It depends on the relationship (Guidelines/Rules).

1. Would you be upset if he was flirting with other women?

2. Do you flirt with guys in front of him?

Remember- never do anything you wouldn’t want him to do and you will be okay!

When is it a good time to start asking the person you are dating to go to church with you? I don’t want to scare them off…

-Church Girl

Dr. Love: I would say 6 months would be safe.

Dr. Love

I lost my job 2 months ago and since then my wife have been holding down the bills. In the meantime I have been a stay at home dad while looking for a job. Is it sad to say I enjoy staying home with the kids, cooking, and cleaning more than I would like to get a job? Mr. Mom 

No it’s not sad to say! Actually I would to thank you because we need more men like you in the world. You are the perfect example of a team player for your family/father figure and you did not let your ego get in the way (which doesn’t happen very often). Never be ashamed of the value you bring to your family no matter the role you play. As long as you do your best to contribute and your family agrees to your responsibilities then you should feel really good about yourself. 

Dr. Love

My boyfriend and I have been engaged for 2.5 years and he often introduces me as his wife. Every time I ask him about setting a date he becomes upset and say what we have is working. Is he just stringing me along? Frustrated 

Yes. It sounds like he’s getting cold feet. Something is holding him back from taking the next step. There is no reason why he should become upset with you about discussing your future. Try to have someone close to him discuss this situation and maybe they can help him through this issue. If this doesn’t work then I suggest counseling. After counseling if the situation continues then you may want to re-think your relationship. 

Dr. Love

I am a mother of a 14 year old boy crazy daughter. Is there anything I can do or say that will help her understand her worth? She went from honor roll to a C student; I am concerned she is slowing earning a reputation. A Mothers Love

 That’s a tough one. You will probably need to find someone who is close to her age that will mentor her through life or an organization. She needs here about the following topics: her future, sex, males, education, religion (if you are a Christian), and self respect from a different perspective in order for the message to become clear. This person/group needs to be a little bit older than her preferably a college student with a good head on their shoulders, but has a swagger/cool demeanor, otherwise if you connect her with someone who can’t relate to the message it will go in one ear and out the other. This process will not be easy, but it will be the best. Maybe you can check your local HBCU and see if they have a summer program that gives young women mentors. Also try to reach out to the Greek lettered organizations Aka’s, Zeta’s, Delta’s, Sigma Gamma Rho’s, they have great leadership skills and a strong influence on the community. Good luck and let me know the results.   

Dr. Love

My boyfriend and I have been planning a vacation to the Bahamas for nearly a year. Last month his baby’s mom called saying how the child needed this and that. He asked if it was okay for us to push our date back. I said yes but deep down I am furious. How should I handle this situation along with his baby’s mom calling whenever she likes to get whatever she wants? Irritated 

I understand your frustration. You need to first ask him how does he feel about the situation (ex-girlfriend calling whenever she wants), and then express how you feel and try to come up with a solution that satisfies everyone. This could include child support, a set amount of money every month, limiting phone calls to only needs of kids etc. Don’t make this conversation an argument! If he starts to get offended just drop it and try again another day because nothing can be solved through arguing.

Dr. Love

My husband and I just welcomed our first baby 5 weeks ago. All I want to do is be around and hold the baby and I feel my husband is getting a little jealous. How do I divide my time as a new mom and wife? Mom and Wife

Create a schedule for yourself. Dedicate a certain amount of time everyday to your husband and stick to it. Make sure he feels included because you don’t won’t your husband to dislike the baby or get attention from some where else. Babies can make or break a relationship, so please take care of your family and find away to create a balance.

Dr. Love

My sister accidently sent me a text message intended for her boyfriend saying “I love you too but you promised you’d never hit me again” should I say something to her about it? Sisters Keeper 

Stay out of it and just pray about the sitituation. I know its tough, but love is thicker than blood, just keep a shoulder for her to cry on and never judge her. 

Dr. Love

My BFF does everything with me and my boyfriend. He is starting to complain that she is always around. Should I say something to him or her? She was there before him. BFF 

There needs to be a balance. Your friend needs to understand that you and your boyfriend need your time together and there will be plenty of time for her. If she is your real BFF she will understand this. If she gets a man trust me she’ll disappear, so don’t feel guilty about having this conversation with her. 

Dr. Love

My girl and I have been rocky for sometime. I met another girl whom I really care for and finally called it quits with my longtime girlfriend. She called a couple months ago saying she’s pregnant. How do I know this isn’t a trap? Stuck 

Well the bad thing is you won’t know if it is a trap until you’re trapped. You need to think as if this baby is real and start planning for it. When I say plan I don’t mean going out and buying merchandise I mean saving money, explaining the sitituation to your girl if she doesn’t already know. Think of a plan of action visitation, child support, etc, get mentally prepared. The only thing you can do is be patient and act as if it’s not a big deal to your ex when you speak to her about it. This way the truth will come out because you are not giving her the reaction that she wants. IE acting crazy, stressing, trying to get back with her, etc. Most ex’s don’t want to see you happy, so you need to act cool even if your not. If she is pregnant and you plan on not being with her, remember there’s a possibility that your child could be raised by someone else.  

Dr. Love

You gave someone some advice about going to marriage counseling before getting engaged/setting the date. I just have to say, my boyfriend and I just started going since we have been talking about marriage. Although we are determined to make it work, it has brought out A LOT of questions we need to talk about and we have been together for 3 years!! Thanks Dr. Love for the advice 

No problem. Please continue counseling throughout your relationship even after marriage because you’ve only just begun. 

Dr. Love

My relationship with my girlfriend is so strange. It’s like we break up often only to have hot and passionate make up sessions. Is this normal? Wondering

Yes for fling, but not for a relationship. Here are a few questions that you need to ask each other…. What happens if one of us is paralyzed and we can’t have sex anymore were does that leave our relationship? Are we the best of friends? Why do we argue? What would happen if we didn’t have passionate make ups, would we still be together? It’s great that you guys have a physical attraction towards each other, but a friendship establishing a friend ship is much more important.

Please feel free to comment on any of the questions and answers here!

I asked my fiance’ the following questions and he didn’t know how to answer them…I am wondering if this will be an issue for our relationship; can I have your opinion on the matter Dr. Love, as I don’t have brothers to pick the mind of? Do you think it’s ok to keep noticing another woman after you are in a committed relationship? Does this change when you are married?

-Woman with Questions

Dr. Love - It depends. Most men and women still see attractive human beings out there even though they are married (don’t think this will ever change its human nature). People may not say something every time they see these people but we are aware of them. To sum this up most people are married, but not blind. You have to be comfortable within your own skin and relationship in order to not feel threatened by these actions. Your spouse has to also respect you and not act in a physical manner. But to answer your question if this does not make you feel comfortable he needs to stop expressing his feelings toward other women (assuming that this is what’s happening). Another way to think about this is that you have made your husband feel comfortable with sharing his feelings with you and having an open relationship is the best thing to have. Remember he married YOU for a reason it was not all physical that got both of you to this point. I hope this answers your question!

Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a successful relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship?

-Just Want to Know

Dr. Love - Friendship always matters more than anything, but the physical attraction will get you to that friendship (Meaning that that there needs to be some physical attraction to have a good balance). Remember the both of you won’t be spring chickens forever, so that friendship will be the most important in the future.

I am in a network of couples & friends, sort of like the group of friends on “Why Did I Get Married?”… I found out some vital information concerning one of the other couples that me and my husband are torn on what to do. We totally have separate opinions on it, so I’d like to hear your opinion “Doc.” If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?

-The Tattle-Teller

Dr. Love- Absolutely not! You always mind your business because you can never predict the outcome. So from this day forward your name is “Bennett” and you’re not in it!

I keep hearing and reading that there are hundreds of questions that should be asked and answered once you even think you want to marry someone. Also, I found out that marriage counseling should start BEFORE you even get engaged; the counseling should start at the moment you think marriage would be an option. Is that the end-all, be-all to a healthy and successful marriage- immediate marriage counseling? I don’t know if I can get my boyfriend into that before we are even engaged.

-To Counsel or Not to Counsel

Dr. Love: I agree that there should be questions answered before marriage (actually before engagement), because when you are ready to create this bond there should never be any questions/doubts about the relationship. If there are any, then you need to give the relationship more time. Marriage counseling is definitely a positive thing for the both of you to participate in. I would suggest doing this during the engagement phase of the relationship before your set a date or spend money toward a ceremony just to ensure there aren’t any issues you guys were unaware of before making a commitment before God. I’m not saying that the counseling is a guarantee that the relationship will work/be a success, but could be a strong contributor to longevity. I suggest even attending counseling during marriage as well because there will be a lot of challenges to overcome down the road and maintain a relationship with God. Last I wouldn’t suggest asking your boyfriend to attend counseling until the both of you decide that you are ready to take that step (Men hate to feel pressured). However, you may want to suggest to him that you think counseling will be a good thing to attend when we get to that part of our relationship and see what his response is (speak to this when having a conversation about your future with him). Good luck!

If you met someone online, and you’ve been emailing, talking, and texting for a few months, is having sex okay upon your first meeting?

-Cyber World Girl

Dr. Love: I wouldn’t suggest it. You may want to spend sometime with this person face to face before you take it to the next level. I feel this way for a couple of reasons: 1. It’s always better to wait until you are married to have sexual intercourse. 2.Think about STDs; some of these viruses are not curable, which means that they are spreading like wild flowers and I don’t think you want to experience this for 2-30min of pleasure for a lifetime of pain and humility. 3. You don’t want this person to think of you as easy, remember anything good is worth waiting for. I think you are aware of this as well and that’s why you are asking because if it was right there wouldn’t be any questions asked. Remember if you have to question it (especially when it comes to your body) you probably shouldn’t do it.

Special Note from Gossiper: Not a good idea, plain & simple!

See you next month!

Dr. Love

Dr. Love

Lately the conversation between my live-in/longterm boyfriend and I seems superficial. Its like we talk but just “hey hows it going?” “how was your day?” etc nothing meaningful anymore. If I tell him I want to talk about something he say he has a lot on his mind. How should I take this? ~Silent Communicator

Something or someone else has his attention. Now it’s hard to determine whether its someone or something only time well tell. You have to come up with a solution to figure out what the issue is. You can do this by talking to some of his close family members or friends, maybe they can give you some insight as to what is going on. Whatever you do try not to give up until you have exhausted all avenues. Good Luck!

Dr. Love

My brother recently moved in with my husband and me. He is looking for a job but in the mean time it is causing tension with my marriage because while we’re working, he’s at home playing video games. How should I handle this so that it doesn’t interfere? ~Stuck in the middle

Well you have to remember your husband is your intermediate family now. This is tough, but you and your husband have to determine a deadline for your brother to move out of the house. Once this is determined this needs to be communicated to your brother and he has to respect your decision and grow up and stand on his own two feet. Hopefully he understands this situation. You just have to remember nothing or no one should come in between your marriage, this includes family members!

Dr. Love

Me and my BFF were inseparable. Since she starting dating this guy she is not able to go out or talk to me that much or her family for that matter. We very seldom see her, its like she’s become distant. Should I take this a sign she is enjoying her relationship or a sign that something isn’t right? ~ Concerned BFF

You should take this as a sign that she is probably enjoying her relationship. To ensure that this is the case, next time you talk to ask her how the relationship is going. Watch her body language you should be able to determine whether or not she is telling the truth about her relationship. If she says everything is going well congratulate her and express your feelings to her.

Hi Dr. Love

I am 16 years old. I am a virgin but I told my boyfriend he could tell others we had sex so he wouldn’t look bad in front of his boys. Somehow the lie spread out of control and although I’m a virgin I have a reputation at school. I asked my boyfriend to tell everyone the truth but he said he can’t because it would make him look bad. How do I defend my name? ~Hopeless

Well that’s going to be tough to do. Everyone one has heard exactly what they wanted to hear and that’s the “GOSSIP”. It’s a great conversation for people to have. When you are asked about the situation be honest and tell the truth, but understand that most people are not going to believe you. Also you may want to think about your relationship with this person because he cared more about his reputation than he cared about yours. He was willing to put your reputation out there, but now that you have asked him to retract his comment he doesn’t want to do so. Think about that, he is being very selfish and you may want to end this relationship because of this issue. This may also help your reputation because everyone will know that you broke up with him because he lied.

Dr. Love

I was preparing to have a nice Valentines Day with my girlfriend since this would be our first together. I think she is looking forward to it too, but my best friend won tickets to the All Star game in Texas and invited me to go. I know she is going to be upset if I go out of town to Texas without her for Valentines Day. What do I do? ~ Dilemma

You go to the game BRO! LOL! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. If she doesn’t understand this and gets upset then you may want to leave her now because a relationship is about sacrifices and this is something she should definitely understand this! If she is cool about your decision then you may want to consider marrying her because she is a keeper!

Dr. Love

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have always had an open honest relationship however lately I feel something is distracting him. I have never went through his emails, phones, etc but should I? I can tell something isn’t right but he won’t talk about it. ~ Worried Wife

Trust is very important in relationship. Whatever is done in the dark will come to the light eventually without you playing inspector gadget. Trust that your husband is doing the right thing and continue to believe in your relationship. What you don’t want to do is start accusing him of something that he didn’t do, which could really cause issues in your relationship. Now I am not saying don’t be cautious, but don’t go looking for trouble. Have faith!

Dr. Love

I have a WONDERFUL fiancé. I want to do something special for him for Valentines Day. What do men like for Valentines Day? ~Eager

It depends on what type of man you have. Listen closely for something that he has been wanting, maybe ask one of his close friends.

Dr. Love

I am a teen mom of a 8 month old son. His dad doesn’t help with him at all. Is there anything I can do to get him to be more active in his son’s life? ~Drama

You may want to talk to someone he looks up to like an older friend or a family member to discuss the importance of being a father figure. Sometimes people respond better to advice from other people instead of from those closest to you. 

Dr. Love

I have been married for 7 months. Before getting married I knew it was a possibility my now husband had a child from a short fling before we met, and at the time I was ok with that. The DNA test came back 2 weeks ago that he is indeed the father of an 11 month old daughter. I don’t like the fact of knowing our child will never be first. Am I being selfish? ~Disappointed

I understand that this is a really tough situation, but you must remember you took a vow before God to love this man for better or for worse. Those are some powerful words and now you must live by them. Remember that the child that you and him will have will always be the first.

Dr. Love

I recently got married. We got along so well before marriage but now find myself nagging and picking all the time. My mom says I am subconsciously sabotaging a good thing because I am not used to seeing a healthy marriage. How can I change so that I don’t push my loving husband away? Sabotage

Counseling for the both of you ASAP! You have figure out why you act this way. My guess is that you are scared to open up to him and to yourself and accept the fact someone loves you and treats you right. He is not too good to be true. You need to realize that you got a REALMAN BOOBOO and that you are blessed to have him, so treat him that way (appreciate him). Put your self in his shoes you wouldn’t want him to treat you like that, so take care of home. Men hate it when women nag and have an attitude all the time. Remember what you won’t do someone else will, I’ve seen it happen many of times. Give your man the respect he deserves.

Dr. Love

I have been married for 2 years but recently I started working a different shift then my wife. We used to have sex all the time now we have to plan it. How can I ensure that is one thing that is not sacrificed in our marriage? Needy  

You just have to try taking advantage of the times you guys have together whether you’re tired or she is tired you both have to make time. Sex makes a relationship very healthy and you want to keep this drive and passion burning for each other. Also make it romantic rose petals, soft music, etc. Try to spice it up a little and be spontaneous.

Dr. Love

I recently set a good friend up on a blind date with a girl from work. She thinks they have hit it off but he recently revealed his feelings for me. How should I handle this? I don’t want our friendship to be affected if we take a chance and it doesn’t work out? How do I tell the girl?

This is a tough one. The best way to handle this is just to be honest with your co-worker. Your male friend needs to express to her how he feels about her (tell her he’s not interested). Then you need to explain to her the feelings you have toward him. This way there will be no guilt if she see you guy’s out or finds out through someone else. She may not like it, but she has to respect your honesty. Put your self in her shoes and decide what you would want someone to do for you and then determine what you should do?