Ask The Love Doctor
Greetings all! If you haven’t noticed by now, Dr. Love’s column has transitioned to being a monthly column. Every 2nd Friday of the month we will post your Q&A, however, a response will be sent to you as soon as possible (we won’t make you wait a whole month while searching for advice). The process of submitting your questions to Dr. Love is still the same: drlove@gossipsister.com. Your confidentiality is always respected as we create an alias in reference to your question before we post the answer. Enjoy!
I asked my fiance’ the following questions and he didn’t know how to answer them…I am wondering if this will be an issue for our relationship; can I have your opinion on the matter Dr. Love, as I don’t have brothers to pick the mind of? Do you think it’s ok to keep noticing another woman after you are in a committed relationship? Does this change when you are married?
-Woman with Questions
Dr. Love - It depends. Most men and women still see attractive human beings out there even though they are married (don’t think this will ever change its human nature). People may not say something every time they see these people but we are aware of them. To sum this up most people are married, but not blind. You have to be comfortable within your own skin and relationship in order to not feel threatened by these actions. Your spouse has to also respect you and not act in a physical manner. But to answer your question if this does not make you feel comfortable he needs to stop expressing his feelings toward other women (assuming that this is what’s happening). Another way to think about this is that you have made your husband feel comfortable with sharing his feelings with you and having an open relationship is the best thing to have. Remember he married YOU for a reason it was not all physical that got both of you to this point. I hope this answers your question!
Do you think that physical attributes are more important to maintaining a successful relationship or do you think that friendship maintains a relationship?
-Just Want to Know
Dr. Love - Friendship always matters more than anything, but the physical attraction will get you to that friendship (Meaning that that there needs to be some physical attraction to have a good balance). Remember the both of you won’t be spring chickens forever, so that friendship will be the most important in the future.
I am in a network of couples & friends, sort of like the group of friends on “Why Did I Get Married?”… I found out some vital information concerning one of the other couples that me and my husband are torn on what to do. We totally have separate opinions on it, so I’d like to hear your opinion “Doc.” If your friend was cheating on their spouse, do you think you should tell their partner?
-The Tattle-Teller
Dr. Love- Absolutely not! You always mind your business because you can never predict the outcome. So from this day forward your name is “Bennett” and you’re not in it!
I keep hearing and reading that there are hundreds of questions that should be asked and answered once you even think you want to marry someone. Also, I found out that marriage counseling should start BEFORE you even get engaged; the counseling should start at the moment you think marriage would be an option. Is that the end-all, be-all to a healthy and successful marriage- immediate marriage counseling? I don’t know if I can get my boyfriend into that before we are even engaged.
-To Counsel or Not to Counsel
Dr. Love: I agree that there should be questions answered before marriage (actually before engagement), because when you are ready to create this bond there should never be any questions/doubts about the relationship. If there are any, then you need to give the relationship more time. Marriage counseling is definitely a positive thing for the both of you to participate in. I would suggest doing this during the engagement phase of the relationship before your set a date or spend money toward a ceremony just to ensure there aren’t any issues you guys were unaware of before making a commitment before God. I’m not saying that the counseling is a guarantee that the relationship will work/be a success, but could be a strong contributor to longevity. I suggest even attending counseling during marriage as well because there will be a lot of challenges to overcome down the road and maintain a relationship with God. Last I wouldn’t suggest asking your boyfriend to attend counseling until the both of you decide that you are ready to take that step (Men hate to feel pressured). However, you may want to suggest to him that you think counseling will be a good thing to attend when we get to that part of our relationship and see what his response is (speak to this when having a conversation about your future with him). Good luck!
If you met someone online, and you’ve been emailing, talking, and texting for a few months, is having sex okay upon your first meeting?
-Cyber World Girl
Dr. Love: I wouldn’t suggest it. You may want to spend sometime with this person face to face before you take it to the next level. I feel this way for a couple of reasons: 1. It’s always better to wait until you are married to have sexual intercourse. 2.Think about STDs; some of these viruses are not curable, which means that they are spreading like wild flowers and I don’t think you want to experience this for 2-30min of pleasure for a lifetime of pain and humility. 3. You don’t want this person to think of you as easy, remember anything good is worth waiting for. I think you are aware of this as well and that’s why you are asking because if it was right there wouldn’t be any questions asked. Remember if you have to question it (especially when it comes to your body) you probably shouldn’t do it.
Special Note from Gossiper: Not a good idea, plain & simple! 
See you next month!
Dr. Love
