Ask The Love Doctor
Often times women have questions and seek advice on love & relationships, but we usually need to hear the answers straight from the source- A MAN! Therefore, G.O.S.S.I.P. Sister will provide a “Love Doctor” to give us honest and candid answers to our desired questions. See below for the latest edition of Ask The Love Doctor!
When men say they want a Godly-woman are they looking for a “saint?”- Sick & Tired
Dr. Love:
No, they are not looking for a “saint.” You want a woman to have a relationship with God and have her priorities together. I think the term is redundant, over used, and is a politically correct term used by men. It’s not like a man will say “I want an Atheist-woman”.
Mr. INSPIRE:
I wouldn’t say I’m looking for saint, but I do want a woman that has a deep relationship with the Lord. As we know there is a difference between religion and spirituality. I like a woman who is adventurous not uptight, and has a sense of humor, yet tries to live righteous; knowing she won’t be perfect.
I have been dating this guy for 5 months now and I really like him. We go on dates all the time and he has even met my father. He lives alone and I live with my dad. He has yet to ask me to stay the night let alone invite me in his house. He say it’s dirty and don’t want me to get a bad impression of him. Is something wrong with that picture?-The Naïve One
Dr.Love:
It sounds like he is probably dating other women and does not want you in his house just in case they stop by. If he was really serious about you then you would have the luxury to spend the night whenever you want. You are convenient for him and whenever he calls to hangout you jump on it. However, you are probably his second phone call and he is well aware of the agenda/location of the first phone call. Sorry sweetheart, you are officially girlfriend number 2.
Mr.INSPIRE:
Yeah it’s a couple things wrong. By not having a clean apartment means he not real big on having a clean home. That can be due to him just not liking to clean, his life is to consuming to clean all the time, or because he is use to being a lone so what’s the use. That something she probably MIGHT could understand, but if she is truly someone special he would at least make an effort to clean up even it gets back dirty the next.
You have to give him the benefit of the doubt that his apartment is dirty. But the main thing is she’s not worth him cleaning up for or he is hiding something like a girlfriend or wife.
Is it okay to “loan” a guy money that’s not your relative?-Freeloader Victim
Dr. Love:
When loaning anyone money, you have to evaluate a few things 1. Can you afford for this person not to pay you back 2. Be prepared to stop speaking to this person 3. Your relationship and track history with this person 4. The dollar amount. When it comes to a woman loaning a man money, their relationship has to be just friends. If you once dated this person, or you or him have feelings for each other then it is not a good idea. A guy might ask you to borrow money just to see if he “got it like that”, and see how much he can juice you for. If a woman put herself out their as being lonely or vulnerable then she is setting herself up to get used.
Send in your own questions right now! drlove@gossipsister.com or mrinspire@gossipsister.com
7 comments
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Dr Love, Mr inspire, I welcome you all to chime in if necessary. I have had all I think I can stand…My husband of barely one year and boyfriend of 7 years changed as soon as we said I do. I have no desire to reconcile and at this point how do I ask him to leave without any anymosity or tension during the transition. The fact that he is not employed has nothing to do with the issues at hand. We started on the same page with similar goals, now we are on two seperate ends of the track. I wanted to have marital counseling and he made no effort to make that happen or participate. I have asked again about it now still no haps. I have asked that he pray with me and fellowship with me no haps. We are no longer compatible so what is the use of staying in such a relationship. Am I wrong. please feel free to ask more necessary questions that I’m sure I should take into consideration. To get an answer.
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Well do you know why he is like this now? Have you asked him? If you feel you done all you can do perhaps it may be best to break it off but only after you have followed your heart and allowed God to direct your path. God doesn’t believe in divorce.
Basically you will have to stay poised through the whole ordeal and try to convey to him that this not something I want to do but feel like WE have to do this. Try to be the leader of the emotions and hopefully he will follow. Of course you have to understand most of the time breaking anything off with a person will never be as smooth or easy as you will like. In fact it may get a little ugly. Nevertheless try to stay poised, which is composing yourself to make the best reaction or response to the current situation.
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Dear “Tired of being Tired”
I happened across this site quite by accident while trying to find a Bible verse I had forgotten the reference to. I saw your post and would like to add not my own “two cents” but hopefully a solidly Biblical opinion. First, the reason for marriage. We often think it is to complete us, or for companionship, or for “legalized sex.” None of these are what Scripture teaches. All of Scripture points to Christ in one way or another, and marriage is no different. The real purpose of marriage is to show in a tangible way the relationship of Christ and the church. Even if your husband does a lousy job of portraying Christ, you are responsible to portray the image of a faithful church. There are a few situations in which divorce is permitted, but it doesn’t sound like any of those are present here. I would highly recommend the book ” “Reforming Marriage” by Douglas Wilson. I don’t agree with quite everything in it, but his basic premises are better than most. You have the opportunity to show Christ to him and to the world by how you choose to act here. Most of the time, people who have been dating for 7 years have already made some bad choices, but that’s not for me to know. You have the opportunity to do right from here on out, however. I’m not sure where you live or even who you are, but if you can find good Biblical counseling go for it, even if you go alone. However, “biblical counseling” that is just secular counseling with Bible verses added that will probably make little difference. If you can find a member of the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors that would probably be best. They are counselors who believe that Scripture is sufficient for everything. Period. If you go to counseling and grow in Christ, that is great. If he chooses to leave, that is his responsibility. If you win him over so he grows in Christ, even better. If you grow and absolutely nothing changes with him, you’ve still grown and been faithful to Christ. I marked this so I will be notified if you post back. I’ll try to help however I can and I’m sure my wife will help too if the need arises. She was married before me and has a bit of insight due to that. God Bless.
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HI Charlie,
I’m not the person who posted under the name ‘Tired of Being Tired,’ but as an administrator on this site I would like to say thank you for your dynamic feedback and concern with this readers issue. The information you provided here no doubt touched me, and I hope it did the same for’ Tired of being Tired,’ and anyone else who comes across it for that matter!
Thanks for stopping by (so glad you accidentally found us) and I hope you continue to check in with us and offer any other advice and comments of encouragement you may have. (Tell your wife about our site too!)
May God Bless You & Keep You!
Gossiper
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Hello Charlie – I totally agree with Gossiper, as Co -Creater it is refreshing to read such an inspirational comment and it personally hit home for me as I am a newly wed as well (9 months next Saturday!). My husband and I were recently looking for a Christian counselor to visit from time to time but after reading this I googled the NANC and found a Christian/scripture based counselor right in our area!! I called my husband and we have already left a message at the facility. Thank you again and like Gossiper said, we hope to hear from you in the future
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Well, there is a lot that I could say here. Let me first explain where I’m coming from and then I will try to give my opinion/wisdom/guidance, etc.
Charlie and I are married about 10 1/2 years with 3 kids. We knew each other for 2 1/2 years before we dated, dated a year, then were married 4 months later. Although I can say we have a wonderful marriage, it isn’t without it’s faults. And when it comes to 2 or more (kids) human beings living under the same roof, there will be aggravations, frustrations, and all out wars. But, that doesn’t mean that the whole picture is bad. Every day is new and provides new opportunities for us all to make better choices in being more like Christ. Isn’t is awesome that we get that chance?
I was married before as well. I dated him for 4 years, part of which was our engagement. Married 7 years and 2 kids later (the youngest 18 mo.) when I walked out the door. Stayed married in hopes of reconciliation for 3 years before filing for divorce. We saw 4 different counselors and 2 pastors for guidance, but got no where. Needless to say that baggage added to my new marriage.
All that was needed for what I’m about to say. I think I have some understanding of the situation.
I’m thinking that your situation has more to do with your dating time than your marriage. It is very common for long term relationships to have a lot of trouble (more than usual) once they are married. Many times it is due to the fact that after a period of time, and sometimes behavior, marriage is already there (without the certificate), but with the freedom of being single. After the actual marriage takes place, things go on as usual, but without the single freedoms. Then the marriage tends to be claustrophobic to some degree, and there is no break from unflattering behavior (unless you’re living together prior to marriage-then it’s mostly the claustrophobic factor). I’ve seen this in many relationships over the years, plus my own (my first). If some of this is correct, repentance is vital for things to change.
What you have here is 2 single people living in the same house with a license that says they are married. Scripture states what a marriage is, and when this happens, it’s because the 2 single people aren’t doing what they should be to fulfill God’s purpose in marriage. I’m not talking about who’s right and who’s wrong. You can’t base your marriage on what the other person does or doesn’t do. One day you, yourself will stand before God. Will He say, “well done?” We are all guilty of wanting our own way. Even to say we want our spouse to live their biblical life properly is our own way. Yes, God wants it too, but that’s between the spouse and God. It boils down to YOU doing what is right in God’s sight. You are only responsible for what you do. Now…the fact is this. You are married. If you love God and want to glorify Him, which is what He’s called you to do, you will do everything you can to fulfill what God has instructed you to do as a godly wife. It’s a high calling. How can you glorify God in this marriage? I sincerely, very strongly suggest that you follow Charlie’s recommendation to the biblical counselors. Even if you go by yourself to help you be a better godly wife. Whether your husband follows along or not, whether he chooses to end the marriage or not, is not something you can control. That’s between him and God. Following what God wants, you can not ask him to leave unless you are in some form of danger, that time away would be necessary for safety while receiving counseling to reconcile. Do not be fooled by the average “christian” counselor. They are often worldly based. You need the counselors which Charlie mentioned. They use only Scripture to base their guidance. The grass is not greener on the other side. It’s just different grass that still grows weeds. The weeds may be different, but destructive non-the-less.
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I just want to start by saying thank you for ALL the positive feedback. I have done more praying about my situation and not just praying listening as well. I know that God speaks to all of us in different ways sometimes even through other people and I believe that is what has happened here. I am starting to see “light at the end of the tunnel” so to speak. I realize that everyone transforms in his/her own time. It took me what seems forever to get to where I am and I still have quite a ways to go. In this marriage like any other; we have faced more obstacles than we did when we were single; I guess the difference was that we did not necessarily HAVE to address them before.
or gain insight. I will stop rambling for now but before I go I want to thank God for each and everyone of you that posted in this blog…and sorry it took so long to respond but yes I had to read the posts a couple of times before I could actually appreciate them 
My husband and I are not out of the woods yet and there may be some time before we actually get there; but I am working on my patience with him, staying prayed up and keeping my faith in the Lord. I have actually taken the time the step outside of myself and viewed the issues at hand objectively and realized that this man has been extremely patient with me as well and for that I am greatful. I can truly say I didn’t marry him just for the sake of being married, legalizing sex or settling. I prayed for this man to come into my life and the Lord answered my prayers just as they were and God doesn’t make mistakes. I know this will not be the last time I come to this site to vent
Thank you and God Bless,
Tired of being tired…