Ask The Love Doctor
Welcome to the first Q&A column featuring Dr. Love! As introduced previously, this column gives women an opportunity to ask all the questions they have on men, love, and relationships. Along with Dr. Love, Mr. INSPIRE will also be inputting his advice as well. Here goes the first round of questions… Tune in each week for more, and information on how to submit your own questions are at the end! Enjoy! 
If a man knows the woman is the one – what is the hold up? Why does it take so long to make a commitment?-Wonder Why Woman
Dr. Love: It is hard for men to make that type of commitment like marriage because it’s hard psychologically to commit to someone forever. In the black community, most men come from single parent households, so they see no commitment in their households. It is something that is not really taught or talked about in our community and it’s foreign to men. It is more glamorous to be a player and sleep with multiple women then to be a husband and take care of your children. Television does not help either, because the days of shows like “The Cosbys,” “Growing Pains,” and “Family Matters,” no longer exist. They have been replaced by shows such as “Real Chance of Love,” “For the Love of Ray,” and “Frankie and Neffe.” Family life is not portrayed as being enjoyable anywhere and it’s something that a man has to be truly ready for.
Mr. INSPIRE: That is a little strange, huh? As a single man I thought the same thing, but I’ve realized it’s a lot more complex. You may find someone your completely in love with and see yourself with them for the rest of your life, but what is it measured to? Relationships have to go through different seasons and tests before you know it is worth the long-term or forever commitment. You have to see how you’ll do in different situations (how to solve conflicts, opinions about decisions and how they affect both people, etc). Also, it depends on if both people are established. If one person is in a full-time career and the other is in school, it’s kind of hard being happy broke(LOL). Most importantly a man/woman has to know they can be committed to that one person and that’s it.
What is “wifey” material?- Aspiring Bride
Dr. Love: A woman that takes care of her business and treats you great! It is a great feeling to know that your woman will love you the same when it’s “sunny” and can “stand by you in the rain too.” You also have to have an attraction to her as well, and the qualities of a good mother too.
Mr. INSPIRE:
I could really go into depth with this question, but I’ll just name a few things:
- A woman that always conducts herself like a lady.
- A woman that enjoys satisfying her mate, not selfish (of course he should do the same).
- Someone that will be a good mother.
- Being a good cook would be nice.
When men say it will happen soon…how long is soon? To women that means tomorrow.-Impatiently Waiting
Dr. Love: It will happen at his discretion or when a woman pressures him enough. I advise women not to force marriage before he is ready, because you will not make it.
Send in your own questions right now! drlove@gossipsister.com or mrinspire@gossipsister.com
2 comments
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I don’t advise anyone to pressure another person for marriage; if a man is looking for a mate and he feels that you are the one, then he will choose you. But, as women, we have to stop getting involved with just any man because pickings are slim. But realisticlly black women really are at a disadvantage with finding an acceptable black mate. No amount of positive talk will change the fact. It is JUST like the first commenter said about marriage and family not being seen or admired in the black community.
I had a friend say to me just yesterday, and I quote, “Married is the new single, in case you didn’t know”. She said this in reference to one of her MARRIED male professors who was openly flirting with a female student and admitting to his class that he married for “convenience”. I hate to be so pessamistic in regards to relationships, but being a black woman, I just have to be realistic. Then, a few weeks ago I had a black male co-worker say to me that he thinks successful black women “want to be alone because they set their standards so high”. Where is the hope for us?
All of the people I know are either someone’s baby momma/baby daddy or are married and miserable, or married for convenience. Where are the TRULY happily married couples—and I don’t mean newlyweds.
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Love Dr.
I am back again and there have been significant changes to the relationship (marriage). Most importatly there has been inappropiate treatment towards my daughter from the hubby. This is what I refer to as verbal abuse. Seems as if now more than ever that I am taken for granted. I am no longer a priority in his life or him in mine. He has taken me for granted and put others before me. The only two people that I place before him is God and my daughter. I have asked him to leave, he said that he would and has not even brought so much as a box home. He is also not contributing to the household expenses. He doesn’t clean but does the most damage for others to cIean. I think I may know the answer to this question but despite when he has taken us through (my daughter and I); I am pretty sure that I am being manipulated. Another delimma that I have is that I don’t want him to be without any where to go.
Any suggestions to assist in this matter would be greatly appreciated