Single & The City
This is the first installment to my new column Single & The City (cue the music); counterpart to Miss Gossip’s installment My Life as a Wife.
When initially approached with the idea of blogging on my life as a single young lady I was hesitant. I mean, what will I say? What shouldn’t I say? First of all, is it even worth reading at all?! However, I was told that I could encourage all other single ladies out there, let them know not to give up, and assure them they are not alone, and they too, will have their prince charming. So there you have it; am I done yet? *unplugging mic* 
Okay, seriously. Being single is not the end of the world! I’ve written time after time that we should use this alone time to rebuild and grow as a woman to better equip us for who we are to become. But what if you are saying: “I am ready! All I need is a man now!” Caution: that’s not all you need. That’s not the key to happiness. You can be happy alone and you can be miserable with someone. A young lady once answered the question- What is happiness? She simply said- a man, a big house, and children. *blank stare* That’s it? I know some people that have that and are in a living nightmare! Get your mind right! Happiness comes from within and that’s the pure reason why some of us are still single, because we haven’t figured that out yet. Sure I’m not going to be the complete package going into a relationship, but I honestly don’t think anyone will be, woman or man; but you got to have the foundation and some incentives to add to it.
While at times I do get lonely and long for a significant other, I am typically turned off from the idea of being in a relationship lately. Reason being is, I want the good without the bad. I am spoiled & tired. I don’t have the energy or desire to work for a relationship and MAKE it work. In a perfect world, being in a relationship would be easy. I don’t want to deal with games, ego trips, power trips, and communication barriers. I just want to be blissfully content & inclined by the relationship I’m in. That, my friends, is why I’m single. I’m “love lazy.” I want love to fall into my lap with very little effort. The thought of “The Chase” does not appeal to me anymore, but at the same time being completely vulnerable with guards down doesn’t either. That’s all bad, huh? I’m in a lose-lose.
Does anyone understand where I am coming from, or am I crazy?
Journey with me people, as each month I present to you, completely vulnerable and open to feedback: Single & The City
In the meantime…
Still Single,
Gossiper
6 comments
Permalink1
I totally understand. I’m single and Lord knows that I’m so wanting to be in a relationship, but I’m spoiled and set in my own ways, and I don’t think I’d ebe able to compromise for a relationship. Another reason I love being single,is because most of the married people I know are cheating, so right now to me married is the new single.!!!
Referred by Ttime0057 ….
Permalink2
I don’t know what to say to even begin to comment on this post. Relationships are hard and finding the right person, honestly, is like finding a needle in a haystack. Most people I know are just hanging on to whatever piece of relationship they have because they know the odds of finding someone better or even half way decent are slim to none. So rather than be alone, they settle for whatever low-life blows into their life and gives them a second of attention.
To find the right person, you both have to be compatible spiritually, financially, maturity, and interests/hobbies. And to top it all off, men have gotten this mindset, and it is so very rampant, that if a black woman has standards and won’t settle for just any fool who strolls along, then she is stuck up and wants to be alone.
So, honestly I am not cynical about love because unlike most, I have not let no good men use and abuse me. However, I am realistic and realistically if you are a black woman and are looking for a black man who possesses all of those compatible qualities, honestly, it is just like looking for a needle in a haystack and it really is just the luck of the draw—it honestly is.
In a lot of ways I just feel like if you were born a black woman, the odds are just plain and simply against you for finding a decent black man to be a husband. With all of the statistics of the number of black men in the penal system, the 70% out of wedlock birth rate, the number of black women out numbering black men on college campuses…..the lists go on and on. When you think about it, it is enough to make you depressed. So I just lead my life knowing that I probably won’t find anyone and if I have any hope of not ending up alone, then I better start dating outside of my race.
It may sound bad, but it is so true. Perfect example—I have a cousin who just turned 38yrs old this past May. She is just now pregnant with her first child because she always said she would be married FIRST before having a child. But at 38yrs and no prospects, she figured if she wanted a child, its now or never. And to top it all off, many ghetto-minded family members are making fun of her calling her an old woman to just now be pregnant and almost 40yrs; when they all willing had children out of wedlock and never married. So make fun of her for waiting, while she tried to do the right thing that just never materialized for her, despite her desire. Now she is just another black, single mother and her child just adds to the statistics of black children born out of wedlock—-despite her desire and wait to do the right thing.
So, yeah, I just feel like as black women the odds are stacked against us—that is just my opinion. And honestly, I see no reason to be hopeful because I see no improvement in mentality in our communities. If you are a christian or decent woman no one wants you because you are a “prude”, because day by day the world becomes more and more “anything goes”.
Permalink3
I full agree when gossiper stated she was love lazy. I have been though much pain and heartache behind a man; and my foolish assumptions about relationships. I will not give up on my black men though, I have to find out what GOD wants for me, what I want for me which is the will of GOD to be done in my life. Then find out what makes me happy..whew thats a lot..lol. Be honest ly I feel as a black women it’s hard out here for us, but like the website says GOD ORDERS STEPS SIT IN PATIENCE SISTER!!! I AM
Permalink4
I’m loving the feedback so far ladies (keep it coming).
One thing I have to ask is- are we praying for the right man and relationship to come into our lives? I know I haven’t. I told Miss Gossip that I thought that it was a silly request, but she said that we can tell God all of our heart’s desires. So maybe we should start praying specifically for what we want out of our love lives’? What ya think?!
Permalink5
We should ask God for what we want but we also have to be open to what He wants!
I think a lot of times we are scared to talk to God about who should be in our lives because we are scared that the response won’t come “in our favor”. It might not be the person that we have set our sights on.
Permalink6
Anne,
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 100% RIGHT IN MY CASE! Isn’t that a shame?! I am so scared, actually I know, that who or what I think is right for me is not what God has in store for me, so I don’t bother discussing it with Him at all! I should trust Him though because I know that He won’t disappoint me or let me down in my expectations.
So what am I really scared of?